6 Months Ago

Six months ago today, my mom died of brain cancer.  Sometimes it feels like yesterday.  Usually it feels like it's been years.  I am still occasionally surprised by a myriad of raw emotions at any random moment.  These moments remind me that nothing is permanent.  

Before mom died, I had become comfortable with looking at my life from an orderly lens. It was easier for me to give my loved ones labels and define my worth in certain terms.  My system kept things manageable and under the illusion of control.  Today, without compartmentalizing, I am more susceptible to vulnerability.  I am grateful for the opportunity to explore this aspect of myself.  These days, when I have a hurricane in my belly or my heart starts thumping out of my chest, I know it's time to go through my fear instead of around it. 

My mom's life and death taught me that my true path is before me and it is also within me.  I need to stay quiet and open so that I can listen to my heart better.  Then I can walk the path with clarity and trust that the rest is unfolding as it will for my soul's evolution.  Mom taught me long ago that choosing gratitude would never fail me.  Her destiny woke me up and I will be forever grateful.

Tattoo

Dear Friends In Yoga,

I recently got a tattoo on my left forearm in honor of my mother.  It's a beautiful sun that reminds me of all of the suns mom collected over the years, along with the words, "como el río."  It means "like the river" or "as the river," in Spanish, a language that I am quickly falling in love with.

Paulo Coehlo wrote, "Como el Río que Fluye."  In the book, he compares the flowing of a river to a human life.  There are areas of a river (or times in our lives) that are stuck & still and areas that are moving rapidly.  Rivers support growth, provide shelter, and absorb warm sunlight.  Some rivers join oceans, some dry up for centuries.  The river chooses it's path as often as possible, but there are also uncontrollable forces that shift our path-- natural and personal disasters.  All things must eventually die in order for our planet to evolve, and some of us fearfully and fiercely resist this truth.  For myself, I aspire to always be "like the river"~ content with change, yet never surrendering my power of choice.

Mom is with me in my memory.  And my most vivid memories of her will help influence my future choices.  Her light, the sun, will always shine on me, the flowing river.  And the image on my arm is a nice reminder of all that.

Pray for Magic

Dear Friends In Yoga,

When I truly accept that certain patterns in my life are no longer working, and I can't see a solution for the problems at hand, I pray for transformation and guidance.  I pray for magic.  I usually don't know who I'm praying to, but I know that the act of praying can bring some relief; quieting the body and mind for a moment.  In those connected moments, when I give myself just enough time to turn inward, magic happens. Sometimes the shift is immediate, sometimes it takes a few days, weeks, even years, but these magical moments make me feel like the universe must have been listening to my prayer because the answer can be so coincidental or meaningful that there's no other explanation for it.

In reality, when we pray for magic, we are asking for the power to shift something at will. That's all "magic" is and we do it every day. We have the power to shift our perspective at will, whenever we choose. Then we can start to see our past stories as little allegories of gratitude and view our current fears and disconnected places as opportunities for growth. It is our own soul that shines differently because we decided to make a change. 

Magic isn't easy work, but it's worth it.  When we can finally recognize that a "problem" is a gift in disguise or that a feeling is "just a feeling," we are free.  And free to start the process all over again, at any moment. 

See you on the mat,

Megan Morris :-)